Of Love and Loss and Passion and Quarians
by M. Schwarz
Summary: A Sequel to Of Love and Lust and Passion and Quarians, starts at the escape from the collector base.
1. Chapter 1: Of Loss

I really don't have much free time, so it can take a while between chapters. Also chapters will be quite short. But I hope you enjoy it.

As always, please inform me about grammatical and syntactical errors, I am quite a Grammar Nazi myself, but when you read something 15 times you don't spot these things anymore.

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With a faithful leap, Commander Shepard jumped towards the Normandy that was floating inside the Collectors base. Collectors firing their weapons in a futile attempt to stop the Commander from escaping, hoping to drag him with them as the silent clock from the detonator inside their core slowly but surely was running towards the magical zero.

The time almost seemed to pass in slow motion for the Commander as he hung mid-air, flying towards his ship. The next fractions of a second would decide if this mission ended in his death or another successful attempt of cheating death once again.

Shepard reached out with his hands, barely able to grab the edge of the ship's hull and latching onto it. Holding on with all his strength, fighting the swaying of the ships motion, a familiar hand reached down. He reached for the three fingered hand of the young Quarian engineer Tali'Zorah and grabbed it in confidence as he looked up to her, the face hidden behind the tinted mask of her helmet she was cursed to wear, and smiled. He pulled himself up, watching at the desperate hordes below him and put a comforting hand around the Quarians waist.

_'No casualties'_ he thought. Again, the Commander had escaped deaths tight grip, kicked it in the face and lived to see another day. This mission went all too well for saving the galaxy yet again and he soon came to regret his confident thought.

As if the bullet hit him, he felt the pain soaring through his body as he saw the torn flesh and plastic surrounding the bullet hole in the Quarians chest. He felt as her grip loosened, her life slowly drifting away and her words escaping her mouth with her last breath "You did it Shepard. The galaxy is save again. I lo…" as she passed out.

Time stopped as he looked towards her in disbelief. _'I never got to tell her...'_ he thought, but with new found determination and the adrenalin pumping through his veins he held Tali limp body tight in one arm and ripped the assault rifle out of the Normandy's pilots hand, who stood at the airlock with them, holding off the last few Collectors. Screaming in agony and rage he fired into the masses down below until the thermal clip of the rifle was exhausted and slipped out of the gun, glowing in an infernal red as it was falling into the abyss.

Throwing the empty rifle away in rage, he lifted the Quarian and ran through the airlock inside the ship. Taking an instant turn right towards the elevator in the CIC he shouted "Joker! Get us out of here! EDI! Find Dr. Chakwas and tell her to get her ass up to the infirmary STAT!" Ignoring the affirmations the pilot and the ships AI answered to his commands, Shepard smashed his hands against the haptic holographic button to summon the elevator and swooped inside, again hammering desperately against the button for the crew deck, in hopes it would go faster.

After what seemed like the slowest elevator ride of his life he swiftly stepped out and ran towards the infirmary, ripping loose cables from the ceiling and kicking parts of fallen bulkheads out of the way. He finally arrived and put her down in one of the medical beds. Chakwas and her team jumped into action, pushing the concerned Commander out of the way. Watching the medical team do their duty the shouting of medical jargon faded out until the only thing he heard, was the dull thumping of his heart.


	2. Chapter 2: Of Passion

Meanwhile, one deck above in the CIC, the ships First Officer Miranda Lawson was standing in the bridge, watching out the window as they made their escape to the nearby Mass Relay. The Normandy's pilot, Joker, didn't take kindly to people looking over his shoulder and remarked "I know how to fly this ship, you know? Wouldn't be sitting in this chair, if I didn't" Miranda put on a little smirk and replied "I'm not here to watch your skills Mr. Moreau; I am waiting for a call from the Illusive Man..." That said, a small yellow light turned on "Speak of the devil. Patch him through to the Comm. Room"

Joker reluctantly activated a button on the haptic interface in front of him to relay the communication but asked "Umm, shouldn't the Commander..." Miranda interrupting "The Commander is momentarily indisposed" That being said, the Normandy's EXO turned around and started walking towards the communications room.

As she entered, the big table in the room descended and the room darkened. She walked on top of the table and the scanner started capturing her image which instantly appeared a few million light-years away in the majestic chamber of the Illusive Man. "Miss Lawson" the older man in the expensive suit replied, taking a huff from the lit cigarette "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Miranda crossed her arms behind her back and calmly replied "Shepard is currently indisposed, you will have to wait for a debriefing from him just a little while longer" as she turned to leave the Illusive Man said "Give my regards to the Commander... and..." he took another huff from the cigarette, then slowly turned his attention back to Miranda "and tell the Quarian that I hope she gets well soon"

Miranda acknowledged what he said with an almost sublime nod then turned and walked away. As the hologram turned off, the Illusive Man took another huff from the cigarette and smiled. He pushed out the cigarette in the ashtray as he exhaled a big cloud of smoke "This will be _very_ interesting"

_Crew Deck, SSV Normandy_

Commander Shepard was standing outside the infirmary, his hands pressed against the windows as he looked inside, watching the medical staff trying to save Tali's life as he whispered to himself the same words over and over again "No".

The crew had been watching the whole time; they saw their leader with the Quarian crewmember in his arms. They saw his tears as he was pushed out of the infirmary. They all knew what was going on and why the Commander cared so very much, but they didn't say a word. The crew deck was eerily quiet, like a graveyard at night. The only sound the hum of the engine and the low whisper of their Commander. They looked at each other, silently acknowledging on one fact:

_Their Commander was broken._

_

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_So very sorry this all took so very long, but I just moved back to my homeland Germany, and there was a lot of stuff to do. Hope the delays get less from now on. Also sorry for the extremely short Chapter.


	3. Chapter 3: Of Love

_Seventy-four hours ago, Captain's Cabin_

"T-minus 5 minutes until we reach the Omega relay, you better get ready Commander."

Commander Shepard groaned at the statement that came through the ships intercom. He looked down at the naked, young Quarian Tali'Zorah on top of him and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Time to save the Galaxy" he said with a smirk on his face. Tali gracefully turned over onto the bed and watched as the Commander stood up and put on his clothes. The young engineer was practically glowing with joy and happiness, the last time she was this happy was... well, she couldn't quite remember the last time she was this happy. She sat up on the ledge of the bed and looked at Shepard who sat down besides her.

"You remember the promise you father made you?" he said, softly caressing her cheeks. She nodded silently. "Well" he responded, giving her a small, soft kiss on the forehead "I intend to keep it for him". Before she could muster an answer, he stood up and walked towards the door as he added "See you in a few minutes".

As he stood at the door, he heard her say "Commander?" he turned around to look at her, but she was gone, instead just an empty envo-suit was lying on the bed. Again he heard her voice say "Commander Shepard?" *beep* Now he was confused, who was talking? What was that beeping noise? "Commander?"

_Present time, Infirmary, Crew Deck_

"Commander?" Doctor Chakwas said, slowly nudging Shepard's shoulder. The Commander has been sitting next to Tali for the last two days in the infirmary, after all the exhaustion his body gave out and put him in a much needed state of sleep. The Commander woke up shouting "Tali?!"

Chakwas put on a little smile and responded "Unfortunately still in a coma, you'll have to make do with old me." The Commander rubbed his eyes and yawned, slowly answering "Sorry Doc... just had a bad dream is all." Chakwas put a comforting hand on his shoulder and added "About time you had some well deserved sleep" she paused for minute to think and then said "and... you will get something to eat, change your clothes and sleep some more" she watched the Commander as he looked up to her, still holding Tali's left hand with both of his, as he opened his mouth to object the Doctor added in a serious voice "Doctors orders, you are off duty"

Shepard groaned, but he knew better than to argue with Doctor Chakwas, she might have some years on her, but she still could be very intimidating. Still he didn't want to leave Tali's side; he was convinced that she would wake up any second now and that he had to be there when she did. With a few seconds hesitation he slowly stood up, putting a quick kiss on the Quarian's visor. For a second there he thought that the ECG had been beeping a little bit faster when he did, but he filed it away as his imagination playing tricks on him. He turned to leave the room and once at the door he said quietly "You'll inform me if something changes?" from her terminal, the Doctor replied "Of course Commander".

As he left the infirmary the usual talking in the mess hall toned down as the crew saw their Commander leave the infirmary the first time in two days. Their looks following him made Shepard feel uncomfortable, but he ignored it. He was too fed up with worry and fear, he didn't feel like disciplining his crew, and quite frankly they were entitled to a little bit of wonder after all that had happened.


	4. Chapter 4: Of Love, Again

_Well, I had lots of work to do - So here I finally present you with the 4th chapter of "Of Love and Loss and Passion and Quarians"_

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Love... Love was the one thing Commander Shepard tried to stay away from, ever since everyone he loved and cared about got killed or enslaved back on Mindoir when he was just 16 years old. He tried to bury those feelings deep inside, so that losing someone wouldn't torment him again.

So it came that behind the bulletproof glass of the infirmary on board of the SSV Normandy, lay the only person Shepard came to love in the last 16 years. A Quarian nonetheless, who was probably much younger than himself. But he never asked about age and he never read her dossier provided by the Illusive Man, so he only knew what he had told her.

Love is a funny thing. One second it can make you do the impossible; to move mountains or even save the galaxy, but the next it can put a used thermal clip right through your heart and burn you from the inside out with so much pain, that suicide would only seem like a temporary remedy. But then, and only then, you know that this little tickling feeling inside your stomach really is... well... Love.

But for all the pain, all the hoops and obstacles, the fear and sorrow, the reward is greater than having all the credits in the galaxy. To be loved by the same person that you love, is something that is worth dying for. But Shepard, being Shepard, wouldn't let a rule or law interfere in his plans. No. He would fight back and win against all the odds, because "to lose" wasn't in the Commanders vocabulary.

The looks from his crew burnt holes in his back as he sat in the mess hall, trying to get some kind of sustenance inside him. But he felt dull, the world felt dull. The food didn't have any taste, the air didn't have any smell and colors seemed less bright. He would periodically look over to the windows of the infirmary and pray quietly to himself.

Although Shepard wasn't a religious man – in fact he was quite the Atheist – but trying couldn't hurt. And if there were some kind of god, wouldn't about now be the time he cut him a little bit of slack? What else would he have to do, to deserve a little peace of mind – a little happiness?

Shepard shook his head after listening to his inner monologue. He stood up, threw the empty plate in the trash bin and headed for the elevator. Maybe he could get some peace in his dreams. The door opened after a while and he headed in, but just as he was about to press the haptic button to his quarters a call came from the intercom, the voice with the distinct dialect that could only belong to Chakwas.

"Commander?" Chakwas said in her usual, halfway-cheery tone. The Commander let out a small sigh in expectation of more bad news concerning Tali's current situation and he hesitantly replied "Yes?"

"I think someone here just woke up who would very much like to see you."


	5. Chapter 5: Of Quarians

_Finally resolving some of the cliffhangers. Now that Tali is safe, Shepard can go on with his journeys. Oh and what journeys await him._

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Commander Shepard doubled back the – fortunately – short way to the infirmary. The adrenaline in his veins making his heart beat like a drum roll, the endorphins switching his brain in a happy state felt almost like a drug rush. Finally he arrived at the door, the crew staring at him again, with their whispers and pointing to the Commander who stormed in.

In tears he rushed inside and shouting the name of his loved one "Tali?!" he overlooked the situation and promptly walked over to Chakwas standing besides Tali's med-bed. He took her left hand and secured it, in between his own two hands.

The young Quarian still felt weak, but gathering her strength she opened her eyes and Shepard finally saw the two bright orbs light up behind that damned mask. As the emotions of the moment overcame the Hero of the Citadel, he broke down in a chair besides the med-bed, crying tears of joy. Tali was confused as to why he was crying and hence her worried words "Shepard? Why are you crying?", not thinking what he was saying, the Commander replied "Keelah Tali... right at this moment?" as he moved to her facemask, he continued "because I love you so, very, very, much" and ended the sentence with a kiss on her facemask.

Tali laughed a bit weakly and said "You said Keelah", realizing what he just said, Shepard had to laugh a bit and wiped the tears from his face. He put both his hands to the side of Tali's mask and added "Well... _Don't you scare me like that ever again_... you cute, beautiful, little bosh'tet" Now pressing his face against her facemask, they both laughed quietly.

Chakwas cleared her throat to get the attention of the Commander, and as he looked up she started "I am also happy to report that Tali'Zorah will make a full recovery. She was fortunate to have had a large dose of antibiotics in her bloodstream previously to coming to the infirmary, which helped in her recovery immensely" she ended the sentence clearing her throat again, putting on a sheepish smile and walking back to her desk.

The Commander simply nodded and turned his attention back to his beloved and whispered "And even if it didn't, I would have gone to the end of the universe to find a cure". It put a smile on Tali's hidden face, and as she was about to say something, the Commander put a finger on the little blue light on her mask and added "You get some rest now, I will be right here when you wake up".

Tali silently nodded in agreement, she could use some sleep and still felt tired and exhausted. But it made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that Shepard didn't give up on her. But it also made her worry that his love for her made him break so easily. But that was a problem for another day, for now she would enjoy how Shepard precariously tucked her in. As he was finished, he put another kiss on her facemask and finally said the words he had been stopping himself from saying for so long "I love you, Tali'Zorah vas Normandy nar Rayya".


	6. Chapter 6: Of Savouring

_Apologies for this very short chapter, but I had to change the pace for the next act, where it will be less Shep/Tali centered and going more into a new plot._

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The Commander hadn't left his cabin in almost a week, and why should he? He had everything here he needed and wanted: Good liquor, a fine bed, music and most of all his beloved Quarian. Having almost lost the love of his life, he endeavoured to savour every precious little moment with her.

Maybe he shouldn't have told the Illusive Man to "go to hell" previously of _accidentally_ losing the connection, but it would keep him off his back for a while, at least long enough for him to get a little bit of peace. He was sure there was some retribution coming along the way, but for now he had a little time for his own business.

Abandoning love for the rest of your life, only to fall in it again with somebody is a hard thing to do. Especially when the person you love is an alien and - for all modern science knew - unable to carry your children some day. You fall hard, but in the Commanders case, he fell happily. No regrets.

However, Shepard's task wasn't done yet. The Reapers were on their way, and soon he would have to start building an army to face them. But, understandably, for his own selfish reasons he started with the Quarians and the Geth.

The Geth they had picked up, Legion, had already explained that the Geth didn't have any interests in the planets they drove the Quarians away from and, in fact, had been keeping them in pristine conditions. So that was his plan.

He hugged Tali one more time and gave her a passionate kiss before he stood up and started getting dressed. When he put his shirt on and was about to head towards the door, he felt Tali holding him back by tugging his shirt and she said "Now where exactly do you think you are going?" in a very seductive voice.

"To build you a house back home" he simply answered, grinned and walked out towards the elevator.


	7. Chapter 7: Of Memories

_I apologize for the long delay, there has been a few things going on in my life, like moving back to Germany from Spain, getting all the paperwork done (taxes, opening a new business, bla bla) and soon after moving into a new appartment as my shared flat didn't quite work out with my roommate. Anyway, as a compensation, enjoy this extra-long chapter._

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_A few days ago – Haestrom_

"So much space... Walls of stone... It's amazing... I wish my friends could see it... I wish Shepard were here..." the Quarian engineer turned off the recording function of her omni tool and let out a sigh. The last words hung in her stomach like a rock. This place was beautiful, had it not been for the deadly solar radiation... And her recent, rather unusual, encounter with her presumed-dead love.

Haestrom was an old Quarian colony, way before the days when everything went bottoms up and the Geth drove their creators away. Nowadays it is one of the last remaining colonies that weren't occupied by the Geth and were accessible without having to travel through a big unexplored expanse of deep space.

The sight was breathtaking. The big buildings that were built into the mountains stood there for centuries without maintenance, yet looked pristine like the day their creators had left them. Thick and stable pillars and walls, reaching out from the solid rock like a sleeping behemoth, seemingly integrating with their surroundings, it was one of the last remnants that showed just how great the Quarian civilization once was. It was truly a sight to behold.

A three-fingered had took grip of the young engineers shoulder and a strong and confident voice spoke to her "You will see the Commander soon enough, Ma'am, I am sure of it". Tali followed the hand to Kal'Reegar, a fellow Quarian marine that led the security arrangements for Tali'Zorah while investigating the local solar systems sun. "Right now wouldn't be soon enough, Kal. But thank you..." she took a deep breath and then turned to the marine "And how often do I have to tell you to call me Tali?" Kal'Reegar changed into a straight up military posture, crossing his hands behind his back "I will work on that, ma'am"

While the Quarian marine went back to do his rounds, the engineer quietly said to herself "At least I know he is still alive..." and went back to work.

_Present time, Mess __Hall_

"Someone in there?" the Turian said, knocking on Tali's helmet. "Ow!" the Quarian replied scowling "Just making sure, you can't always tell with those tinted masks" the Turian said with a smirk that looked rather awkward with his mandibles "Welcome back to reality Miss Vas Shepard". The Quarian shook her head into the direction of the Turian, and he could swear that she stuck her tongue out just then . "That's not how our names work... Besides, we can't even get married under Quarian law".

The thought of that saddened Tali, but the Turian made a habit out of teasing her, and with that material how could he not? "Marriage? Who was talking about marriage?"

The Quarian grumbled.

At the same time, on the CIC deck, Commander Shepard was in a conference with the Citadel Council, updating them on the occurrences of the past weeks.

"... and with this new information attached to this communication, which we got from a Geth platform, I am now on my way to the Quarian fleet in hopes that the Quarian people might have a new chance of returning to their home planet."

There was a silence while the councillors reviewed the information they had just received. After the Turian councillor reviewed the data he immediately broke the silence in a condescending tone "Commander, first of all, thank you for this information. However, this information is very sensitive and council regulations demand that you cannot just give this information to the..." but before he could finish, the Commander interrupted him in an equally condescending tone "With all due respect Councillor, but I sent you this information as a courtesy. I don't work for you, or the council. The Quarian people have a right to receive this information, and it is my moral duty to give it to them." "Working for the council or not, you are in council space AND you are subject to OUR LAWS! I will not let you simply take sensitive tactical intelligence to a non-council race!" the councillor shouted, if he had veins in his forehead, they would have popped by now "Try and stop me!" the Commander replied calmly, however this only made the councillor even angrier.

Before either side could continue the shouting match, the Asari councillor stepped in, desperately trying to defuse this situation "Councillor, Commander. Please let us discuss this in a civilized manner" she waited a second to see if there were any more outbursts before she continued in a calm voice "I would like to offer a compromise for both sides." She turned to Shepard "Commander, please do not yet relay this information to the Quarians, give us some time to think and we will get back to you with an official response, after we" she now turned her head to the Turian councillor "discuss this issue before we jump to any hasty conclusions"

These Asari have a gift for diplomacy. Their soothing voices and their physical appearance that appealed to all universal species made it easy for them to appease to everyone, and swiftly defuse tense situations in favour of diplomacy. The same applied here. After a few seconds of deliberation, Shepard spoke up "You have until I reach the Quarian fleet. But make no mistake, I will relay this information regardless of your decision" and with that, he cut his connection.

God, how he hated politics... The bloody mess of fine speech, deception and backstabbing. Personally he preferred to simply enter a room and perform 'aggressive negotiations', which worked out much better for him. He was a soldier after all. He left the conference room and headed for the cockpit to instruct Joker to set a course for the Quarian fleet. He already knew the councils answer, and he was sure that the Asari compromise was just a plan in order to figure out how they could stop him before he reached the Quarians. Time was of the essence and he wasn't about to waste any, not when it was about Tali's home.

On his way, the familiar blue orb popped out to talk to the Commander "Shepard, statistical probability indicates that defeating an incoming invasion by the Reapers will not succeed unless we have the full support of all the council races. I am afraid that your decision to anger them, might not have been a sound tactical plan."

The Commander made a very annoyed face before he reached out to disable the hologram, "Oh just shut up!"


End file.
